Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
