I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
