end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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