but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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