Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
