Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize