Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
