Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
