I should be sponsored by Trojan
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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