I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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