dude i'm inner monologue high
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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