where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
