how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
