Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
