When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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