FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
