that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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