left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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