Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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