so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
