Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize