Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
