youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
