Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
