I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
