9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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