dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize