K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize