First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
