If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
