My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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