I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
