At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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