would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
