Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
