I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
