I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
