your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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