It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Buhtt sex?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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