I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
