walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
