Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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