After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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