i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
