my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The air was thick with penises
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
