I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like heaven, but drunker
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
