i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
