In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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