Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
