my vag is so smooth its legendary
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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