I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
