Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
