after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
