Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
