His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
