i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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