p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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