I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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