The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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