Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
