it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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