I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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