I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
