My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
