erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
are you so shy because you have an std?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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