I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
