i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
