I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
