I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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