U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I FOUND THE LEGS
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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