its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Alive.
So much puke
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
