My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
