forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
