I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize