Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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