Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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