So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
